BLOG.ASHORTGUIDETOAHAPPYMARRIAGE.COM

Loving is About Behaviors

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 20:49:00 GMT

It has been a year now of little behaviors ... behaviors that show consideration towards our spouse ... behaviors that say I love you, that you are my priority and the most important person in my life.

I will be taking a break from blogging for awhile. If you haven't yet read my book, A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage, I hope you will: www.amazon.com/Short-Guide-Happy-Marriage-Long-Lasting/dp/1604330910/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238000250&sr=1-1

And let me know what you think about it!

Any thoughts or questions, I'd love to hear from you @ sharongilo@gmail.com

Thanks for your interest ...

Wishing you all a very happy marriage!

Sharon

Relax your partner's BODY!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 21:11:00 GMT

My post for next week, when I may not have computer access!

Do you know where in your partner's body the pain of stress and anxiety end up? Is it in the back, the shoulders ... or maybe a nagging headache. When you notice it has been a particularly difficult day or the end of a tough, long week, what can you do to help them relax?

Help Your Spouse

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:24:00 GMT

Okay, the unofficial end of summer has come and the busy school year has begun. Everyone in your household is getting back into a more structured schedule full of activities with little downtime. One of the nicest things a spouse can do is to just selflessly PITCH IN when something needs doing: change a diaper, make the lunches for the kids, walk the dog, empty the dishwasher, throw the clothes in the dryer ... the list goes on and on ...

ADD A TOUCH OF ROMANCE

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:28:00 GMT

Add a touch of romance to a dinner at home you've managed to find the time for -- just the two of you. Even if it's been a long day, a long week and you decide on take-out -- light a candle, set the table with your wedding glasses, put on some sentimental music, and ignore all the phones! And relax ...

Make It Happen For Your Partner ...

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 18:05:00 GMT

For most, it's a long, holiday weekend coming up ... the unofficial end of summer. For many of us the time has flown and we just haven't done all that we would have liked over the summer months, whether work or play. Consider something that your partner had so wanted to enjoy or accomplish that just didn't happen -- can you help make it happen over this long weekend?

TAKE HOLD OF YOUR SPOUSE'S ...

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 23:42:00 GMT

Take hold of your spouse's hand when they least expect it ... such a small gesture, but so comforting and so caring ...

A Quickie in the Kitchen!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 17:56:00 GMT

So, when did you last have a quickie in your kitchen? Seize the right moment when your spouse would enjoy!

How Do You Sound To Your Spouse!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 19:24:00 GMT

Give some thought this week to how you sound to your spouse ... we all have heard how often it is not what we say, but how we say it, and we've all gotten feedback from our spouse on how we might do it better. Consider that feedback and focus on your weakness -- is it an angry tone, a curt voice, a hurried impatience, a sarcastic response ... change it up, listen for the difference ...

Listening is Love

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:11:00 GMT

Go out of your way this week to really listen to your spouse. Put down the phone, the Blackberry ... stop glancing down at the newspaper headline that just caught your attention as you leaned over the counter ... clear your mind ... and really focus on what's being said by your spouse. Good listening is not easy, it really takes our full concentration. It is a loving behavior worthy of becoming more the habit than the exception ...

It's Hot, Hot, Hot

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:21:00 GMT

For most of the country the heat has been record breaking ... give your spouse a break to cool off, be alone and take a little time for themselves. Make it easy for them to go for a swim, lay back in the air-conditioned bedroom with a good book, sit back with a cold beer ... whatever feels good at the end of a long, very hot day.

Get To Bed!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:24:00 GMT

Do you tend to be the one that often comes late to bed, being caught up in your projects or catching the monologue of one of the late night shows? Try making the effort to join your partner to just be close together for a little while -- reading, talking a bit -- without any particular agenda except eventually falling asleep side-by-side.

Do It Anywhere

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:51:00 GMT

You can always find a moment to to pull your partner close and sit down together for a little break. In the house, watching the baby sleep, out in the yard, catching the setting sun, on a walk, the possibilities are endless. What a simple gesture that sparks the endorphins and makes one feel loved!

Tell Your Partner!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 04:07:00 GMT

What could be more simple and straight forward ... tell your spouse that you were thinking about them during the day. We all have thoughts about our partner that we should share! That we were remembering how they looked on that last vacation ... that we couldn't wait to relax with them that evening ... that the great discussion from the other night played out in our mind again ...

It happens every day, don't forget to share ... this nice behavior couldn't be easier!

Box It Up

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 02:19:00 GMT

Summer is the time for being outdoors. The mountains, the beach, the country, hiking trails, gardens, parks ...

Keep your eyes peeled for a beautiful piece of nature. Box it up with a special note to your spouse as a reminder of the beauty of your love and connection. Something to have and hold forever ...

Watch Your Spouse

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 00:23:00 GMT

Remember the feeling when you would meet up with your spouse (before marriage) for a drink or cup of coffee? Invite your partner to do so and get there a little early. Settle in and watch them arrive. It will bring you back in time and generate some memories, some good thoughts!

Promises, Promises ... Be Careful!

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 23:10:00 GMT

A promise to your spouse is a kind and generous behavior. In a typical marriage, day-in and day-out, we agree to do things for our spouse that they are counting on. Try not to let them down -- do follow through as best you can to do what you've said you will do. Over time, your partner will love that they can count on you (breaking promises, on the other hand, will only build anger and resentment).

Two tips: have a system to help you remember, and never agree to anything just to avoid conflict (knowing that you don't intend to follow through).

Try over the next week to have a perfect score!

Surprising Turn-Ons for Women

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 20:44:00 GMT

Yesterday's WebMD feature article (I'm quoted) ...

Surprising Turn-Ons for Women

Women dish on what they like men to do -- and it's not in the bedroom.

By Jennifer Soong
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

When I casually asked my friend Becky about secret turn-ons for women, she didn't hesitate for a second. "Doing the dishes," she responded, as her husband looked at her in disbelief. "That's hot!"

For many women, turn-ons aren't necessarily about traditional romantic gestures like getting roses on Valentine's Day or canoodling during candlelit dinners. Simple everyday rituals like pitching in with the dishes or having coffee together at sunrise can be downright sexy. (Listen up, fellas, you don't even need to spring for a card.)

"When a partner can really count on these kinds of little loving gestures on an ongoing basis, it really makes for the kind of connection that's absolutely necessary to have a relationship hang on through the good and the bad and all the crazy stuff," says Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, EdS, LMFT, a couples therapist in Mt. Kisco, N.Y. and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.

"Caring gestures make women feel really good," she says. "Guys don't realize how important they are for women when it comes to getting turned on in the bedroom. To connect physically, they really need that emotional and mental connection."

Helping to Unload the Groceries

Lori Bizzoco, a writer and stay-at-home mom in Brooklyn, N.Y., says her husband not only helps out with the dishes, but also with household chores and taking care of their 2-year-old daughter. But what she appreciates most is when she comes home from the store, he will always come out to the car to help unload bags because he knows she's got a bad back.

"What makes it special," she says, "is that he never rubs any of what he does in my face or complains. He simply believes these things are what husbands are supposed to do. That to me, is the biggest turn-on of all!"

A Cup of Joe at Sunrise

Beverly Solomon of Lampasas, Texas, has been married to artist and designer Pablo Solomon for 35 years and works side-by-side with him managing their art business.

"Of course, there are many reasons that our love has endured," she says, "but the one thing that I really love is that Pablo brings me my first cup of coffee each morning."

He rises much earlier than she does and brews coffee as he begins working on his art. When he sees her bedside light turn on, he brings her coffee over to her.

"We usually have a cup together on our veranda while watching the sun come up over our ranch," she says. "We like to give thanks and to plan our day."

Need a Ride, Baby

After an especially long day at work, Robin Siebold, a psychotherapist in Melbourne, Fla., says her husband of five years knows exactly how to lift her spirits. He will surprise her by showing up at her workplace with his tow truck and loading her car onto his flatbed.

"I feel like I am always putting out fires at work so at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is one more thing, like drive home," she says. "So when I walk out of work and he is sitting in the parking lot patiently waiting for me, it always makes me smile! And I feel appreciated."

To read the second page of the article, here's the direct link: http://women.webmd.com/features/what-turns-women-on

Try the Unexpected

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 19:18:00 GMT

Who doesn't like a small, unexpected gift ... now and then? Something your spouse loves, but hasn't had in awhile: his favorite bread from his favorite bakery that you were able to stop at while doing errands in that part of town ... a bathtub pillow, a little treat to get her motivated to take time for one of her favorite ways to relax. These can be practical gifts, special treats, and little things you've heard your partner mention ... a batch of socks sorely needed ... that bestseller now that it just came out in paperback. Little surprises are fun and appreciated, but most importantly they are a loving reminder that our partner is thinking about us!

Accept An "Assignment" From Your Spouse

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 27 May 2010 13:23:00 GMT

We've all had the experience of our partner saying to us, "hey this is so interesting, fascinating, well written, etc. -- would love for you to read it so we can discuss, would love to know what you think about the article, would love to know what you think about the characters in this short story, etc." What a great invitation, an opening to talk, a serious interest in sharing ...

Do you let these invitations go by the wayside ... don't!

They are a super way to connect.

GET HOT TOGETHER

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill — Thu, 20 May 2010 17:41:00 GMT

Invite your partner to exercise with you ... and really mean it ... meaning that you will be patient with their level of skill and slow things down a bit from what you might do alone. Take this opportunity to be helpful and generous and attentive. Make it fun. Initiate conversations. Make it a new kind of experience!